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All Jokes Goes In Here! Enjoy Them ;)
By Devil King
#37844
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A man comes home after an assignment of 3-years and he finds there is an additional member of the family, a 29 month old toddler. Furious, he demands an explanation:
He says, "How could you have done this to me! Did you cheat on me with one of my friends, was it Josh, was it Nathan, or was it John?"
His wife with a daring look says, "Yo...ur friends! Your friends! Don't you think I have my own friends too?"
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Two drunken men were driving home. The first started screaming, "Jim, watch out for the wall, watch out for the wall!"
Baaaaam! They hit the wall. The next day in the hospital the first man asked his friend, "You good for nothing, I've been screaming for you to watch out, why didn't you?"
Jim answered him, "IT WAS YOU DRIVING!!!"
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A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"
The trainer replied; "Use the ATM outside the gym!"
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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"
"But that's right!" The father replied.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
..."What the heck's the stupid difference?" asked the father.
"That's what I said!"
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Tom was invited to his friend's house for dinner.
He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby.
When she was in the kitchen, he leaned over to his friend and said,
"I think it's nice you still call your wife all those pet names."
"To tell you the truth," his friend s...aid, "I forgot her name abut three years ago."
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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
...Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
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The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office.
"What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled. ‎"Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before,
but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said.
"I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."
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Insurance Agent: Sir, we also do Penis insurance.
Customer: u replace it with a new one?
Agent: No sir, once it doesn't work,we ensure free service to ur wife
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A cowboy rides into town, goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen.
He walks into the bar, and fires his gun through the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yells.
No-one answers.
"ALRIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS".
He gets another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back, so he get's on it and makes to ride out of town.
The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks "Say partner, what happened in Texas?".
The cowboy turns to him and says "I had to walk all the way home..."
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BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
......Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
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Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in.
One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville."
They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant.
The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly."
The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."
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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card,
it says, “To the only boy I ever loved!”

Gal: Great! I want 10 of them
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